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I'll give you something to cry about (262 songs, volume 3)

by Brendan Milburn

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1.
When you're smuggling soviet treasures from the east side to the west Octopussy, yeah going undercover as a circus troupe, that's the best Octopussy, yeah Who's a female villain from the indian subcontinent and yet she's a swedish babe in a sari and she's flauntin' it she likes her octopus and lots of money, yeah she's wantin' it. Octopussy! Octopussy! Octopussy! Octopussy, yeah. What's a movie Roger Moore should probably not have made? Octopussy, yeah For Your Eyes Only wasn't bad, and there he should have stayed Octopussy, yeah they're paying us to write this, so we should put some good stuff in there's a pretty exciting fight on a train from east to west berlin And there's lots of lady ninjas fighting battles that they win in Octopussy! Octopussy! Octopussy! Octopussy, yeah. Hey movie producers! Is this a serious film about nuclear disarmament? Octopussy! Or is it a goofy comedy that does the franchise a whole lotta harm, you meant? Octopussy! Whatever it is, it's definitely inconsistent in tone If we could find a way to get Ian Fleming on the phone He'd be rolling in his grave and letting out a deathly groan: Octopussy! Octopussy! Octopussy! Octopussy, yeah. Octo - octo - octo - octo - it's such a terrible title, I just can't even say it out loud anymore octo - octo - octo - I can't even say the word, it's so awful, it's such a terrible title
2.
I hope you have a beautiful night the spotlight in a circle 'round you I hope you have a beautiful night and that you get to do all you wanted to I hope you bask in all the stellar accolades and when the standing ovation begins to fade I hope you check the box marked "all my dreams came true" on your bucket list let it wash all over you, this perfect moment of bliss on this beautiful night. I hope you have a beautiful night I hope the after-party is great I hope you have a beautiful night I hope you won't be staying out too late I hope you wake up sometime in the afternoon and sip your coffee, whistling a happy tune, go jogging in the park and never think of me and the empty space where I used to be I hope I leave no trace on this beautiful night. 'cause I just want you to be happy and I just want you to enjoy this victory and I just want you to pretend there's nothing weighing you down, you're in a world in which I never existed yeah, I just want you to be happy and make your way in the world apart from me and I just want to imagine a world where it didn't come to this, where it didn't get so twisted. I hope you have a beautiful night I hope you have a beautiful night
3.
everything's sepia-toned everything's edges are ruffled or rounded everything's out late and unchaperoned everything misbehaves, everything's gonna get grounded everything wants to be gently collected and scanned and then put up online everything wants to be sorted and fussed over, preferably with a few glasses of wine everything lives in the past everything's blurry and faded everything's flag is flying at half mast everything's scheduled to be cremated everything had an opinion on everything though it was frequently wrong everything probably would have already skipped past all the rest of this song everything has left the building everything is gone everything has left the building everything is gone everything used to be full of ideas but they all sublimated away everything used to hold me so close and tell me it would all be okay everything has left the building everything is gone everything has left the building everything is gone
4.
She said in 1967 she got married to my father with a borrowed pair of bluejeans and a bridesmaid And San Francisco was a bubble of excitement like a butterfly a-flapping in the stomach of a decade She didn't know exactly everything he'd been through She didn't know exactly what she'd gotten into She got an offer from a magazine to write about the music scene because they liked her resume and bio She told her husband who'd been offered a position on the faculty of music at a college in Ohio He said, "you either take this job or save our marriage." She put her luggage in the back of his carriage She said, "you make a choice, you make a call. You may rise, you may fall. You will pay for what you get, But you got no room in your bag for regret." She said that 1975 was like a purgatory doing needlepoint inside a decompression chamber And Cincinnati was a garden of conservatism growing like a vine that tried to tie her down and tame her She said, "Now surely there has been a big mistake here. This ain't resembling the mark I want to make here." She saw her future like a single at the bottom of a stack of records that'll never ever see the buzz bin And she had subjugated all of her desires for the good of the family unit and the betterment of the husband She saw that they had not been marching to the same drum She took her son and hit the road to where she came from. She said, "you make a choice, you make a call. You may rise, you may fall. You will pay for what you get, But you got no room in your bag for regret." She drove that beat-up Pinto out to California She kept the windows down and the air was hot and dry She kept hearing Joe Cocker on the radio Singing "You Are So Beautiful," and it always made her cry And in the rear-view mirror, piled high were crib and walker, Toys and clothes and little shoes for little tiny feet. There ain't no room in here for things she wished she might have done, Only her behind the wheel, And a consequence of all her actions, Fast asleep on the passenger seat. (yeah, yeah, yeah) She said that 1989 was like a fuse that burned inexorably to the dynamite of my departure And she was sad that I was growing up and glad to shoot me out into the world like an arrow from an archer As I was packing up to leave and go to college, She took a minute to impart a bit of knowledge: "you make a choice, you make a call. You may rise above it all. You will pay for what you get, But you got no room in your bag for regret."
5.
that took the wind right outa my sails that took the knots right outa my rope that took the buttermilk outa my pails that took the happy hip hop outa my hope that took the crease right outa my pants that took the starch right outa my shirt that took the guildenstern right outa my rosenkrantz that took the daffodils and the daisies right on outa my plot o' dirt, row that took the biscuit that took the cake that took the rug right from under me, and that rug took a long, long time to make that took a lot of making bacon and every last trick in the book but unless I'm gravely mistaken, I didn't just get taken, I got took. that took the rabbit outa my hat that took the gladiolas outa my vase that took eight or nine lives outa my cat that took my three-piece suit right outa my three-piece suitcase that took some guts and savoir-faire that took panache and je ne sais quoi to take my takeables from thin air that took me by surprise when I opened my front door and saw: that took the biscuit and my biscuit pan that took the rug right from under me, and that rug held the whole room together, man my apartment had a break-in and some no-good rotten crook took my Steely Dan, and my Donald Fagen and my little black book and unless I'm gravely mistaken, and I'm dreaming and soon will awaken, I didn't just get taken, I got took.
6.
(Text by Martha Graham) There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.
7.
there is no red pill there is no blue pill the princess is not in another castle there is no princess, there is no castle there is no right way there is no wrong way there is no leeway there is just the long way there are no shortcuts there are no shortcuts there are no shortcuts there are no mushrooms there are no fire flowers there are no warp zones there are no superpowers there are no green lights there are no express trains there are no free rides there are no fast lanes there are no shortcuts there are no shortcuts there are no shortcuts always seeking distraction searching all over the place distraction is simply a kind of inaction, avoiding what's staring you right in the face always seeking a way out always trying to hide telling the bad thoughts to get out and stay out but they keep sneaking back inside there is no white wine there is no dark beer there is no Jim Beam there's no everclear there's no alcohol there's no nicotine there's no ecstacy there's no ketamine there are no shortcuts, there are no shortcuts, there are no shortcuts, there are no shortcuts there is only you
8.
i have been terrified i start at the slightest sound the squeak of a mouse in this haunted house makes my feeble heart begin to pound i have been terrified of all that might come to pass of what might go wrong this whole day long of what i might see in that old looking glass for what scares me the most is a singular ghost who's unwilling to leave me alone for no matter what I might do to distract him, he's tenacious, he's undaunted he is there every night when i turn out the light he is there when i pick up the phone he is there when i think i have driven him out - he's the fellow who keeps this house haunted i have sought some way out and yet i remain inside each hallway, each door leads to one hallway more and the exit, i find, is locked deep in my mind you can run, you can flee, but you'll never be free of your haunted house while you remain terrified.
9.
a day is gonna come when you won't feel shitty any more but that day's not here yet that day's not here yet a day is gonna come when you won't be wiping yourself off the floor but that day's not here yet that day's not here yet and when that day arrives it will be glorious there will be angels singing and a big brass band and a llama on a trampoline yes when that day arrives it will be glorious but today is not that day, today is one of those days in between. a day is gonna come when you won't have to kick your own ass but that day's not here yet that day's not here yet a day is gonna come when you won't be all "alack" and "alas" but that day's not here yet that day's not here yet and when that day arrives it will be marvelous there will be cake and bocce ball and a big orange slushie machine yes, when that day arrives it will be marvelous but today is not that day, today is one of those days in between. will you just hang the fuck on, my friend this less-than-perfect day ain't the end if you just get your ass out of bed and comb that thinning hair on your head and put one foot in front of the other instead you'll see, you'll see. a day is gonna come when you'll wake up and everything's fine but that day's not here yet that day's not here yet a day is gonna come when you'll smile and relax and unwind but that day's not here yet that day's not here yet and when that day arrives you will be better off the world will not look poopie-brown or moldy pukey split-pea green yeah when that day arrives you will be better off but today is not that day in order to get to that day you've got to live through all these days in-between.
10.
you need more ironic distance you need more sardonic chuckles you need more sarcastic humor you need more brass on your knuckles you need more beef in your sandwich you need to be cooler and surlier you need more man in your manwich you know, you shoulda started earlier. you did it wrong! go wipe the slate clean! is that the best you can do? well that's the worst that we've seen! the audience booed! they gave you the gong! you screwed the pooch and now you're screwed, pal! you did it wrong. you need clearer motivations you need more romance and drama you need 3-d animations you need lots of blunt-force trauma you need us to feel the passion you need us to feel the hunger you need the latest trends in fashion you need someone like you but younger you did it wrong, you'll never be rich you should go back to school, go back to digging that ditch try again and you'll blow it, go back to playing ping pong you suck and you know it, pal you did it wrong. you need more fairy tales and unicorns and rainbows you need more "sparkle sparkle sparkle" in your song you need more hearts and flowers if you want to gain those crucial youthful influencers, let me take a look - oh, you did it wrong. you did it wrong. fail early and often. go put your inner editor in a frickin' soundproof coffin. get back in the saddle. it's where you belong. now get out there and get back into battle. you did it wrong.
11.
Hey, I don't miss you anymore. I put your memories in a cardboard box in the trash room, on the floor if anybody wants them in their apartment, they might add something to the décor, but I don't need them, 'cause I don't miss you anymore. Hey, I don't think about you much You were a bruise that ached and throbbed, you were all tender to the touch but you know what they say, time heals all wounds and etcetera and such. there's no scarring, and I don't think about you much. and for a while there, it felt like you were oxygen or water in the desert, or a bowl of soup after a hunger strike but you stopped calling and you went and changed your locks and then you weren't there when I needed you and it made you really really really hard to like. so there's no twinge of sadness now I woke up feeling not in pain and said oh gee, by golly, wow. I feel like I'm getting my braces off and my smile looks brighter than before, I feel like a starfish growing back arm number five after getting cut down to four I feel like you tore a big chunk out of my chest, and breathing became quite a chore but I'm breathing fine and dandy today, and you'll prob'ly never hear this anyway but if I saw you again, here's just what I would say: I don't miss you anymore.
12.
(These lyrics were inspired by a particularly inspired twitter rant by somebody calling himself "Julius Goat." It's hilarious and painful; you should check it out. It's here: https://twitter.com/JuliusGoat/status/896326301832925184 ) you're feeling like you're so oppressed you're feeling like you're being replaced you're feeling like you're second-best you're worried that you'll be erased well I feel for you, I do, yeah, the world's been bad to you, it's a sad and sorry song, and you are singing it. but while you're grieving all your losses, and you're hanging on your crosses here's a couple of thoughts that maybe just might ease the sting a bit: at least nobody's telling you that you cannot get married at least the color of your skin means you won't get pulled over, frisked and possibly harmed at least nobody's knocking over the graves where your families are buried at least no cops are shooting you while you're standing there, unarmed. at least there's no massive effort at the state and local level to deprive you of your democratic and constitutional right to vote at least no one's endeavored to ban all your airplane travel because of your religion, that's a little somethin' over which you can gloat. I know the pain of your oppression is tough to bear, and makes you wanna give up the fight. But hey, at least you're Christian, male, and white. at least you're in no danger when you carry weapons publicly at least your lovely churches haven't been terrorized or burned at least you haven't been waterboarded in the CIA's bathtublicly at least your ancestors weren't hung from trees, because they "just never learned." at least there is no history of centuries of bad science devoted to quote-unquote "proving" your intellectual inferiority. at list there is no mystery of what you think is wrong with your clients when you refuse to make a cake for their wedding because they're members of the same fraternity or sorority. I know the pain of your oppression is tough to bear, and makes you wanna give up the fight. But hey, at least you're Christian, male, and white. at least our President doesn't blame you when you make a mess. at least you're not a jew or a muslim, that'd cause you some distress. and hey, at least you do not have a vagina, you'd be earning about 20% less. and hey, at least you're not a negro, that'd be the worst of all, I guess! I know the pain of your oppression is tough to bear, and makes you wanna give up the fight. so carry that tiki torch and shout your grievances into the central Virginia night. and What Would Jesus Do? he would say, "hey white boys, what you're doing ain't right." But hey, at least you're a Christian, hey, at least you're a Christian, hey, at least you're Christian, male, and white! That oppression don't feel so bad now, does it?
13.
don't you pull me down don't you pull me down again don't you pull me down again, don't you pull me down don't you pull me down don't you pull me down don't you pull me down again don't you pull me down again, don't you pull me down don't you pull me down my friends all tell me that I'm on an upswing my friends all tell me that I'm on an upswing my friends all tell me my friends all tell me my friends all tell me that I'm due for an upswing oh no you don't oh no you don't oh no you don't oh no you don't don't you pull me down don't you pull me down again don't you pull me down again don't you pull me down don't you pull me down my friends all tell me that I'm over you now my friends all tell me that I'm over you now my friends all tell me my friends all tell me my friends all tell me that I really should be over you now oh no you don't oh no you don't oh no you don't oh no you don't don't you pull me down don't you pull me down again don't you pull me down again don't you pull me down don't you pull me down your grip is strong you don't let go your reach is long from down below you giant squid you octopus you're throwing me under the lumbering wheels of the Mariana Trench Express Commuter Bus don't you pull me down don't you pull me down again don't you pull me down again don't you pull me down don't you pull me down
14.
when you close your eyes tonight all the blocks and cars and toy trains, all the teddy bears conclude the day's affairs and they close their eyes as well. when you close your eyes tonight all our homemade paper airplanes will be touching down on the carpeted ground and they'll rest there for a spell. and tomorrow's gonna come it may be all ice cream and somersaults it may be temper tantrums, tears and teething pain it may be sunshine, or torrential pouring rain it may be chock full of wonder and delight so just shut your pretty eyes, and we can sleep the night away and start tomorrow out just right and let's sing a lullaby and let's kiss this day good-night now, and the stars and moon will sing a slumbery tune as you snuggle down, sleep tight, when you close your eyes tonight.
15.
I had a buddy, let him stay on my couch, and I nursed him through his divorce when he was so damn low down he couldn't seem to see his way back up I let him talk and talk about his sorrow, gave him a shoulder to cry on, secretly thinking I was filling the favor bank and he'd pay back up, yeah, I thought I would be collecting interest, that he would pay a dividend, and lo and behold, when my own marriage came to its bitter end well he went and sided with my ex and became my new ex-friend and I was so angry, so angry that I'd wasted all that precious time, too angry to see he'd committed no crime. Give more; want less. Send love and kindness out into the world with no return address. Don't keep a tally of your transactions, you know you're not supposed to be keeping score There is no favor bank, no record of deposits made - you just got to give more. I had a big idea, this very very big idea, an idea so big I could not possibly get the whole thing done all alone I brought my big idea to a big idea producer, who got the rights and all the requisite parties all there on a party line on the phone, the producer said my very big idea was very brilliant then he said, I'm having trouble raising the last few milliont we're gonna have to kick you off the team, kid, but hey kid, you're resilient. go get more famous and successful, then don't call us, we'll call you. Well, what's a boy like me to do? Give more; want less. Send love and kindness out into the world no return address It may cut you to the quick sometimes, or shock you to your tender little core, when you've been tested and found wanting, but you'll be found wanting less if you give more. Well, you want the things you want! Yeah, you really really want the things you want! and it can be tough to want the things you want and not get them Other people flaunt the things you want like they wanna taunt you with the things you want and you know the things you want can haunt you if you let them and if you want them too, too much, you start to reek of desperation they can smell it from the moment that you saunter through the door but the thing that takes the stink away, the thing that's your salvation, well it's not perfume or aftershave, no, all you really gotta do is Give more; want less. send love and kindness out into the world with no return address. it's a paradox, it's difficult, but it turns out that it's what you are here for you'll never get the things you want until you learn to want them less and just give more.
16.
this is not what I thought it would be where are the conga lines and drinks with paper umbrellas like what I saw back then on our black-and-white T.V. women in form-fitting gowns and dapper, debonair fellas this is not what I thought it would be where are the muscle cars and late night drag races 'cause up and down my street all I can see is middle-aged white dudes with their middle-aged white faces this is not what I thought it would be I thought it would be cooler somehow this is not what I thought it would be I thought we'd be farther along by now this is not what I thought it would be I'd like to teach the world to sing like that commercial I had that 1970's kind of naivety holding hands across the world with every tom, dick, and herschel this is not what I thought it would be the great american melting pot is rusted full of holes now. I watched my schoolhouse rock on afterschool T.V. there are no bills on capitol hill; there's only opposite poles now. this is not what I thought it would be I thought it would be cooler somehow this is not what I thought it would be I thought we'd be farther along by now

about

The third batch of 16 songs, covering fun topics like white supremacy, how things fall apart, and tap-dancing on the edge of the abyss. If you're really digging this, please support me week by week at my patreon: www.patreon.com/BrendanMilburn

credits

released October 1, 2017

all singing and writing and producering by Brendan Milburn
cover photo by Vance Osterhout, from Unsplash. Thanks!

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Brendan Milburn Seattle, Washington

Brendan Milburn is a music teacher and a dad. In his former life he wrote musicals, songs for animated movies, shows for theme parks and cruise lines. He used to play in a band called GrooveLily. Now he has chickens, cats, and kids, and he is making a song a week. ... more

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